Natural Disasters

I’ve been watching a lot of the coverage of the hurricane Katrina and the flooding of New Orleans. Mainly it is because I don’t want to actually work. It got me thinking about natural disasters. For some odd reason, in cases of floods, I take the side of the flood.

The reasons are complicated, but it is basically because we, humans that is, build levees and dams, and try to “reclaim” land from the water. Every now and then though, Mother Nature gives us a mighty bitch-slap and takes it all back.

I don’t mean to say that I’m not sympathetic to people that lose their homes, and God forbid, pets and loved ones, to the flood waters, but it is like the Earth is hitting the reset button, reminding us that we aren’t quite as all-powerful as we like to think we are.

Most times, the floodwaters eventually recede and we can start over. Unless of course, you have built your city in a bowl shaped hole, below sea level, and surrounded by a lake, the mightiest river in the land, and the Gulf of Mexico. That is a whole other story though!

Here is what I think of other types of natural disasters:

An Earthquake is like a big, muscle-headed bully that walks down the street and pushes people down, just because he can. He’s saying “Hey, look at me, I can knock you down because I’m big and strong and there’s nothing you can do about it either!”

A tornado isn’t quite as bad. A tornado is the belligerent, drunken guy in the bar who wants to start a fight with everyone. If you stay out of his path, you’re fine, but if you tangle with him you can get hurt.

A volcano is like giving a friend who has had too much to drink a ride home, but instead of being grateful, they just puke in your backseat.

A tsunami, whose best friend it the earthquake-bully, is like a big, fat guy that pushes everyone else away from a buffet and eats all the food, then just leaves. In his aftermath is a big mess and a bunch of people asking “what the hell was that?!”

A landslide or avalanche is an annoying neighbor that dumps their garbage and yard waste over the fence and into your yard.

A drought is a deadbeat relative who keeps borrowing money. No matter how much you give them, they need more and more.

On the other hand, a flood is like a small farmer who tries to make a living with a little fruit and vegetable stand. Gradually the city encroaches closer and closer, corrupt politicians change zoning laws to allow town homes and strip malls to be built on the farm until there’s nothing but a little square left. The old guy doesn’t complain though, he just tries to keep on going.

The runoff from nearby industrial areas start poisoning his crops, the yuppies in their giant SUVs just speed by his little stand on the way to the nearest Whole Foods supermarket. The city creates a new “roadside fruit & vegetable stand tax”. Eventually all the guy is left with is some yellowing lettuce and seeds.

So one night, the guy finally decides he has had enough, so he goes all over the place planting vegetables. All the people in their quarter-million dollar town homes are worried about their imported exotic Japanese plants in their gardens being replaced by romaine lettuce. The carrots growing in the cracks of the new highway break up the pavement. Eventually every open space is covered with peas, green onions, leeks, bean sprouts, and parsnips.

No one can drive their giant SUVs over the roads, which are now covered in alfalfa sprouts. People need food! Luckily for them, just down the road, within walking distance, is an old guy, sitting in a rickety chair, smiling away, happy to sell you a wide choice of fresh, organically grown fruits and vegetables.