Life's Little Reset Button

It isn’t often that a Martin Sheen line in a movie makes me think about the choices I’ve made in life, but he had a line in Greed that really stuck with me:

Stop going for the easy buck and start producing something with your life. Create, instead of living off the buying and selling of others.

That quote kept popping into my head, and then I saw Loudon Wainwright III on Conan O’Brien singing “Last Man on Earth (Year 2000)”. Ever since then I’ve been miserable about my job. I even took a year off to try and do something more fulfilling.

I wanted to build guitars, birdhouses, make candles, something, ANYTHING! I was too lazy and unfocused to do any of these though. I’d start something, and then move on to something else.

So now I’m back at the same job, at the same client, dealing with the same stupidity and frustrations as I did before, and I’m no better off. I’m getting a steady paycheck, which is nice, but I’m not really contributing anything.

I don’t want to just work for the money, even though the money is pretty good. The main reason I came back was to be able to get financing to buy my own house. Once I do I’ll probably be stuck even worse because I’ll have a house payment I’ll need to make! (Even though it isn’t much more than paying rent).

I need to find some sort of creative outlet. I should talk to Dr. Phil. I need to join a band. I should go to church again. I must make changes in my life!